Have you ever been told that because you are young then you should not care, stay out all night, and date date date? I have. I have been told this many times. By close friends, through social media, and I have even said this to my self before.
Now, let’s back up right there… How did I get there? How did I at one point think it was okay to go about my love life by my own means? The only explanation I can come up with is that I was enduring singleness instead of really living my life to the fullest. I was looking left and right for answers, for a comforting word, for anything that would give me true peace and joy. I was in desperate need of attention.
Now, aiming to stay super real and vulnerable with you I will have to admit; I have not gotten this whole ‘being content in singleness’ thing figured out. There are moments of doubt, fear, and anxiousness. I will not sit here and give you a formula or recipe to never feel doubtful, fearful, or anxious. Because there really isn’t one. We are all human and we all have our ups and downs. (see below)
Although, I do want to share something with you in hopes that you too will have a perpetual ‘i am loved’ state of mind. That no matter what wilderness you are going through, you can too, have trust and faith in someONE so much bigger than us, someone so powerful, almighty, merciful, faithful, kind, loving, and I can keep on going on how great our God is. I am not promising a perfect life where nothing goes wrong, I am not saying that all the feelings mentioned above will disappear because trust me they will still sneak up on you when you least expect it.
The lies of the enemy are so subtle, they sneak up on you, planting a small seed that overtime only becomes self-destruction, it only leads you to pain, deception, and hurt. Because that is what the devil intends. I like the way Lauren Chandler puts it in her book, Steadfast Love:”Whether you know it or not, there is an enemy of our souls who hates steadfast anchors and loves to deceive us into trusting faux-anchors. (fake anchors) His desire to deceive is nothing compared to the steadfast love of the Lord. As we drop the anchor, we steady ourselves for an opposing current.”
Whether you know it or not. Stop right there. Think about that for a sec. Whether we know it or not the enemy is always trying to get us into that anxious state of mind. We sit there and feed into negative, doubtful thoughts and sure enough we end up enduring singleness. Only trying our best but eventually not feeling content, fulfilled, and whole as a single person. The problem is not feeling this way, the problem is feeding into it, digging ourselves into a hole where it is so hard to come out of.
I have been broken down, humbled, and the Lord has been able to really test my heart and what was in it. I did not realize this, I mean, I have always been a ‘church girl’ I have tried to do my best always but it was so much easier to give into sadness and anxiousness because my anchor was not in the Lord. I admit it, He was not first in my life. This really is what it comes down to. Who is in control of your life? Who is in your mind all the time? Who do you depend upon? Who do you follow? Who gives you joy and peace?
There is Someone that completely changed my life all around but staying on topic… my outlook on my love life. Someone who met me at my darkest, lowest, saddest. Someone who decided to reach out to me, to love me when I felt so unlovable. I didn’t know I had the answer all along. It was sitting beside my bed all these years, I had just not realized it. I found so many truths, truths that were proven to me in a real tangible way. I felt the true love, how He pursued me. I always read the Bible, but it rarely ever came alive, it rarely ever comforted me. Ever since I gave my entire life to Him, when I read God’s word it comes alive every time. You know that verse, “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path” (See Psalm 119:105) ? THAT VERSE is foreal! His word is really a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. That is another topic for another day though.
God definitely used the time of brokenness and pain to bring me closer to Him. When i fell down to my knees, that’s when he met me. Right beside me, HE was there all this time. I have this hope as a sure and steadfast anchor of my soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain. (See, Hebrews 6:19)
God had revealed himself to me in many seasons of my life, I had seen His hand move in my life. But, I had not given Him control of every area. He used a break up to teach me that I had to let go of my pride. Through that break up I came back to His feet. More thirsty than ever, more desperate, seeking him whole heartedly. He met me. This is what I want you to take from this. He meets us at our darkest points in life and He gives us what is best for us. If we seek Him wholeheartedly, He reveals Himself. There really is no better place to be than at the feet of Jesus. The joy, peace, and comfort I have found at His feet is all I ever needed. He knew that, He did whatever it took to have me back.
I want to take this last paragraph to recommend a book that changed my life. It opened up my eyes to the truth. It pointed me to God’s word in such a beautiful way where I started reading the Bible as a love letter. A letter directly to me. You have to read this book, even though two married woman wrote it, (because I was hesitant to read it tbh I thought well they are married and im not) but they write with such love, humbleness, and realness. The book is called Spoken For by Alyssa Bethke and Robin Jones. Must read.
The Bible to me is not just a book, it’s my love letter, it’s where I come closer to God, where I get to know Him. My favorite scripture is Psalm 139. This is God telling me He knows me, He created me and nothing is a secret to Him. Wherever I go, whatever I say, He already knows it. So why should I worry about my future when I know who holds it! When I point my eyes to Jesus, when I stop looking left and right but look up to my creator, my beloved, my comforter, my peace, my joy, there really is no room for the enemy’s lies to set up tent in my heart. As soon as doubts and fears try to overflow me, I look up to Jesus and I am able to be still in His presence knowing that He has plans of Hope for my future, of prosperity(See, Jeremiah 29:11). I trust him completely knowing in his perfect timing He will unfold His plans for me. Through it all, I am just focusing on Him, on drawing close to Him (See, Hebrews 4:16)
I want to encourage you to dig through Scripture and take verses, chapters, anything that hits home, take it and make it yours as the Lord has given His word to us. Once you start meditating on these truths your focus will shift to seek the Lord and all His righteousness and everything will be added to you. This is a promise found in the Bible and I am writing to you as a single girl who has all her trust in the Almighty God that whatever is for me, He will provide. For now, I will just focus on loving him, serving him by serving my community, and preparing myself to be the wife God is making me to be. Walking by Faith and never by sight. (See Hebrews 11)
JLm&Y, thanks for reading!